We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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