she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My bed smells like the plague
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
