I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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