we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
