Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
