don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
and you fell through a lawn chair
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
