He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
