I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
