as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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