when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
