We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
