woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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