You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
