are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
