If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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