There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
