tell your sister to shave her snatch
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
