it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
