He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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