new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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