I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
