He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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