Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
