I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
