just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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