I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
