fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
