I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
