I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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