Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
