oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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