Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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