So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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