my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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