I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
