I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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