the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
