He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
