Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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