i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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