I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
