in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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