Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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