We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
