Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
