the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
