i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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