Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
