remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
