What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
