The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
